He/She/They ~ How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters~ Book Tour with Schuyler Bailar & special guest Dylan Mulvaney

 

He/She/They ~ How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters~

 Book Tour with Schuyler Bailar & special guest Dylan Mulvaney

On November 8th, I attended Schuyler Bailar’s book tour with the special guest Dylan Mulvaney. It was such a valuable experience that I will never forget and I would like to share my experience and thoughts. 

Schuyler Bailar is an author, educator, and activist advocating for LGBTQ+ rights. During his swim career at Harvard, he became the first openly trans man to compete in the NCAA Division I for any sport. He is continuing to educate others about LGBTQ+ issues, doing four research studies at Harvard, and released a book called He/She/They in 2023. 

Dylan Mulvaney is a famous tik toker who has been sharing her transition since October 2022. She has visited the White House to talk about transgender issues and won Woman of the Year from LGBTQ+ magazine Attitude in 2023. 

Here are some topics and things that Bailar and Mulvaney touched on in bullet point notes( because they did not allow recording, I tried my best to jot down everything):

• A lot of our common sense is another form of bias

• Ex: “Girls are not as good at sports as boys → times, the qualifying time for girls' events are faster than boys

• Breaking down our “common senses” can open our minds

• Transphobia = white supremacy

• White settlers killed queer people

• Intersecting systems of oppression

• Understanding history and why we stand with minority groups → That is what collective liberation is all about

• How to find kindness with people who don’t understand you

• Education

• Therapy

• Not forgetting the privileges you have (educational background, exposure, etc)

• Think about how you always don’t have an answer to things → be patient

• Believing that people can change

• Ask them questions and try to get their opinions heard. Oftentimes, people don’t think critically. Massive amount of censorship is also important to remember

• Make them question, make them reflect their beliefs

• Add perspectives not change perspectives

• Connections with others are the step to humanity

• How they can see the human in every person

• How parents make you cautious vs. teach fear & the importance of making home comfortable/a space they know they can rely on

• Bailar emphasized that even if society doesn’t accept your child home should always be a safe space for the child. 

• We’ve all experienced gender and that means we’ve been restricted, meaning transphobia is harmful to everyone

• We are all not the same, acknowledging our differences is key

• The same systems/oppressions are fueling many different problems = collective oppression

• By labeling people the same, we are disregarding people’s pain

It was such a valuable time and I truly still cannot believe I was able to hear both of their stories in person. 

The reason why I was not only eager to hear their stories in person but also to talk to Bailar was because of our similarities as swimmers, connections with Boston, queer, and people of color, and our deep relationship with our grandmothers. The same year that Bailar became the first openly trans athlete to compete in the NCAA Division 1 category, was the same year that I moved to Boston from Japan. It was quite a big deal in our town since Harvard is so close to our town. I was never really exposed to queerness since back in Japan, especially in 2015, there were barely talks about IGBTQ+ people (even though there is a big issue with anti-IGBTQ+, homophobia, and transphobia) and I did not know any trans athletes. As a swimmer, I did more research on Bailar and we had so much in common. He practiced at the same pool that I went to summer swim camps for, he was always around Harvard as a student and my family and I were always around that area, he came to talk at my high school when I was a middle schooler which I was so sad to find out I missed it and lastly he spoke at Oxy two years ago. I felt that I kept missing opportunities where I could show my appreciation for him. Every person who has heard him talk in person has told me that he is such a good talker so one of my life goals is to meet him in person and tell him everything I’ve been wanting to tell him since 2015. 

I knew I was queer but I never thought of coming out to my parents and family because of the cultural difference (I “officially came out” when I moved to LA for Oxy). Bailar also understood the cultural gaps that many queer POC experience. I would watch his YouTube videos and one of the videos that stood out to me was his coming out story to his Korean grandmother. He even talks about it at the end of every show (and still in shock again, that I was able to hear this in person and not over a computer screen) and he has a quote by his grandmother tattooed below his scars from his top surgery. I have a very strong connection with my grandmother and she is my favorite person in the whole world. I never felt the need to come out to my grandmother because I didn’t want to “confuse her” more and I was already content with how open we were with each other. But after hearing Bailar talk about it again, it felt wrong that my grandmother didn’t know about my bisexuality because she has helped me with so much throughout my life and I thought since she accepted me for who I am now, it would be unfair for her to not know that side of me. After the show ended, I had the opportunity to talk to Bailar and I told him how much I appreciate him as a queer POC athlete trying to navigate the world. I also told him how much I relate to him with his deep connections with his grandmother and I was able to express that he has pushed me to tell my grandmother (which I’m hoping to tell her in person when I see her next). I was tearing up with joy, excitement, and emotions I could not explain. 

Bailar was the first queer POC figure I was exposed to and relate to. It is truly amazing to see not only queer but the intersectionality between queer and race people/educators you can look up to. This represents exactly why representation is important, especially for young audiences who are still trying to figure things out in a society that is a complex and hateful place.

How to Not “Ace” Asexual Representation in Media

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The sparse asexual representation in film and entertainment correlates with society’s pressure for people to perform sexually; thus, if someone doesn’t wish to perform their sexuality through sexual acts, they are deemed “unnatural.” In turn, the tv shows and movies often depict asexuals as people who are “nonhuman,” “unfeeling and robotic,” and “late-bloomers.” Examining the characters of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, Spock from Star Trek, and Jughead Jones from the CW’s Riverdale, the negative depictions of asexuality either persist or are stripped away from the character for the sake of marketability. 

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Sheldon Cooper is a character that the ace community has dubbed “ace-coded” from his lack of interest in sex or women compared to his other male leads: Howard, Raj, and Leonard, leading to many negative statements on what it means to be ace. His character finds joy in his scientific work and playing tabletop RPGs with his friends. His sexuality is discussed in the Season Two episode, ‘The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem.’ Their neighbor, Penny, asks the group what Sheldon’s “deal” is and insists that “everyone has a deal,” implying that Sheldon is the strange one for not being sexually attracted to anyone. The men then poke fun of Sheldon and how he will reproduce in nonhuman ways: they state, “I believe Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldon’s” and “I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species.” The “scripts” tied to asexuality is that ace people are “incomplete” without experiencing sex or sexual attraction, and thus open to ridicule and alienation from the dominant group who enjoys sex. The “type” that both Sheldon and Spock share are the Robot or the Strange Alien. 

Spock’s reserved and logical character is often contrasted with Kirk’s charm and romantic relationships, justifying the “scripts” that ace people are tied to nonhumans and do not fit the norm of sexually active people. In Rowan Ellis’s video on The Rise of Asexual Representation, they describe Spock’s asexuality as tied to his species, being half-Vulcan, a species that “prioritizes restraint and suppressed emotions and passions” so next to the human Kirk, he is the outlier.

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As the science and first officer of the USS Enterprise, his job is tied to being logical therefore people equate being robotic and unfeeling to being ace. In the episode ‘The Apple,” the characters come across a civilization called the Vaalians, who are asexual, and Spock talks  about their culture: "You insist on applying human standards to non-human cultures. I remind you that humans are only a tiny minority in this galaxy... these people are healthy and they are happy. Whatever you choose to call it, this system works, despite your emotional reaction to it." Ellis then describes the episode’s message on asexuality being undermined because the Vaalians were being mind controlled by a computer god named Vaal, linking their asexuality with their “enslaved innocence.” This return of the “norm” hammers home that being ace should not be the norm for these human-like civilizations. 

    If the norm is that “sex sells,” look no further than Jughead Jones, a character who, in the comics, is canonically ace but is stripped of his asexuality in the TV adaptation to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with Betty Cooper. It was confirmed in a 2015 interview with comic writer Chip Zdarsky that his iteration of Jughead is ace, which many of the Archie comic fans accepted.

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    However, in the CW’s TV adaptation of the Archie comics, Riverdale, Jughead’s asexuality is nonexistent. The erasure of his identity stings even more, knowing that Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, the chief creative creator of the comic and series developer of the show teased the character’s asexuality early on, "Rather than have everything fully formed — for instance, we're not going to start with [.] Jughead's asexuality or any of the things that have become canon." However, in a Glamour interview with Jughead's actor, Cole Sprouse, who had done research on asexuality when he got the role stated, "'I think in this show, he is not a romantic and not asexual.'" What tied the fandom to comic Jughead was that he found joy in things outside sexual or romantic relationships, which many could relate to. Throughout the TV show, however, Jughead is never given a chance to explore his asexual identity. To tease a point when Jughead “might” explore asexuality when there are sparse ace representations or characters are “ace-coded” is already damaging to the outside perceptions of what asexuality is. 

    Analyzing these characters, canonical or ace-coded, displays the ways the ace community has had to search for ace representations in mainstream media. Even so, in that media there are multiple occasions where being ace is dismissed or undermined.  

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